Saturday, August 8, 2020

August 8

Just discovered the videos of Steven Brunton, who is apparently a prof at the UW, and he got his PhD in 2012. 90 pubs. 3 books. h-index 40. PECASE. Essentially the dream career of an assistant prof.

I'm simultaneously jealous, inspired, and...I don't know what. But I know that this is the kind of professor I want to become. In the past, I would get down on myself about things like this. Would get on my own case, say that I made bad choices in college, that I should have taken my fellowship and gone elsewhere, but...all that shit is irrelevant. 

The point is: what am I going to do about it?

Am I going to continue to berate myself for not being more productive? Or, perhaps, can I harness the energy, motivation, and healthy stress from reading about the achievements of others, bring the blood flow to my brain, and channel it into my own work? 

I just want to do whatever I possibly can to bring the best out of myself. 

I make the conscious choice not to compare myself to anyone else anymore. I will simply seize this opportunity I have been given. I will put myself on a deadline so that every month, I will submit either one grant or one proposal or both. 

I will fight my way through. My hand on my heart. I promise.

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