January 8

I don't have the energy to write about the riot that happened this week. Suffice to say it's awful and predictable. There've already been plenty of words written about that. So I'll write about things in my life at the moment. And given the various anecdotes I've heard about today, I am keen not to underestimate people's ability to be (a) awful and (b) wonderful to each other.

I had a good therapy session today. We got into why I might have feelings of impostor syndrome as I often do. We talked about avoiding checking Twitter late into the night, as I just did just now. So I've got some work to do on that one. We dug a bit into where these feelings of inadequacy come from. Which is a bit of a mystery - but there is something interesting about the fact that I am now doing science and fluid mechanics, despite having done poorly in these subjects at least at one point before.

I just want to build a good work habit and get some stuff done. That's what I really want to do. I know I'm lucky to be in this position and I want to do some good with it. I don't think I'm the best qualified person for the job - perhaps that's the impostor syndrome, fed by the memory of my "F" in science in 7th grade and my "C" in fluid mechanics in college - but I know a thing or two about what I'm doing. And I'm not satisfied with how things have gone so far.

It starts with building habits. For keeps and for real this time. Let me be diligent. Let me produce an enormous body of work in 2021.