April 13

Up way too late on a night before lecture. I will get to bed soon. 

A few good things I did today:

1. Meditated to begin the day. What if I did it for the next 21?
2. Looked through tunes in the Real Book to send to Dian for this mysterious gig coming up. Prompted by seeing "When I Fall In Love," accompanying the great Nat King Cole, and breaking down in tears. That was cathartic and it lowered my blood pressure. I went to campus relaxed and in a good spirit. 
3. Initiated a conversation with Allison about the AFM. 
4. Led the IPF meeting fairly well, I think. I remember feeling confident enough to ask the questions that were really vexing me. At one point I thought I was asking a dumb question, but Jorge said "that's a good question." Those are validating moments. 

Generally, I can feel myself getting more comfortable saying what I really feel and bringing the unvarnished truth. 

I need to build some momentum over a few days. I need to craft a realistic strategic plan for myself and send it to a few people for feedback. I must do this soon. I need to get on track so I can stop beating myself up about this. I will make it happen.