I can feel my confidence growing. I can feel myself digging deeper and standing up for what I believe in more firmly.
An example would be Friday morning's faculty meeting. Something emboldened me to speak up in the first place - I felt a small extra jolt of energy coming from somewhere. Something that said, in some sort of terms, "go for broke." I ended up making important points at the meeting related to whether we can have an extra year on our tenure clock (which seemed to catch Ariela off guard, but for which I was commended afterward by both Ali and Erik).
Another example: group meeting on Wednesday. I had a good back-and-forth with Shrishti about the issues she's facing in her research.
I'm starting to realize that when you're the leader, people want you to be yourself. People want unambiguous instructions they can follow. Some spontaneity is necessary. Kind of like Kerry Ann says - you have to trust that you will have something relevant to contribute extemporaneously.
I will lead myself firmly over the next three weeks as I have a lot of shit going on. I will get it all done. NSF panel. Mock CAREER panel. Proposal submission. Ira Glass's quote on creative work is going to propel me through the next few weeks.
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