Condemning myself gets me nowhere. Worrying gets me nowhere. It's hard not to feel inadequate when viewing the awesome achievements of people in similar positions to me. But I must remember that I'm not them and they're not me. Everyone's situation is, indeed, different.
The MIT seminar I attended on impostor syndrome concluded by saying it's not an entirely bad thing. It can be good if you channel it properly. Sometimes, when I'm stressed I can be propelled into productivity.
Getting myself into a state of healthy stress forces me to grow. Something propelled me into action when I was studying jazz bass with Dwight Kilian, and I think it had something to do with him calling me out on my intonation or time feel. Something caused me to grow while a student of Jankowski, and I think it was the feeling of inadequacy I got when subjected to the Socratic method in front of my peers, and his withering remarks when I messed up an answer to one of his questions.
Today, I was in the midst of writing when Jayme asked me to take Agnes to the vet. I was perhaps a little more irritated than I needed to be by this. By the time I got back I was in a somewhat more productive state. It consistently happens - somehow I'm made to feel like I'm not up to snuff, and it works.
On one clip from the Jocko podcast where he's asked about feeling inadequate, Jocko referred to some folks who "try to hide it. They're afraid to ask questions, afraid to say they don't know so they end up looking scared and stupid...which equates to looking incompetent." He spoke of a beloved captain who "asked questions, asked for guidance, and admitted his mistakes."
On episode 221, Jonny Kim said, "You should never think you are too good to do a job. Be a forever new guy. Never think that you are above taking out the trash."
The dream is alive.
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