November 27

I can lament the fact that I haven't accomplished as much as I wanted to in the first ~5 years I've been at Mason. I could fret about the amount of things I have to get done this week. That would not get me anywhere. But worrying does not increase the likelihood that my paper will be accepted. 

I need to change my habits to heavily favor taking action. I need to start things, even when I don't feel ready to start them.

I have to start somewhere. It's like the guys in The Full Monty. Even if you start out with absolute shite, that's still something.

November 25

This has been one of the hardest months since I started at Mason. Between the drama at work and the drama at home, it has been a lot to absorb. I feel like we are getting to a good point though. We are heading in the right direction, amidst it all.

The lesson I'm taking away from this is that I have to be firm and self-confident. I need to trust my own voice, because it matters. The times when I feel most like myself are often the times when I'm going with my gut. It has taken the better part of 38 years to learn how to do that...to learn what "trusting my gut" even means in the first place. But no matter. 

People are doing wonderful things worldwide in music, science, etc. Now is my time to jump on those trains. 

November 1

It's late again, and I should be in bed. 

I declare my intent to lean into the challenge. I remember Phil always hoping there would be an exam. Always looking for another chance to excel. It's in his DNA. And mine too. I need to remember the personal statement I wrote for the NSF GRFP. I embrace challenge.

I am going to have a hard conversation tomorrow.