August 23

I am fucking inspired.

I'm not sure why, but I was compelled to search for the research thumbnails that the MIT NSE department posted to their YouTube channel a few years ago, particularly Scott Kemp's, because I liked the professorial way he said "I want to update you on..." It made the rest of what he had to say seem more interesting. Almost immediately I went down a rabbit hole of different videos. I saw a thumbnail that Artyom, one of Jacopo's students, recorded about his research on boosting CHF margins in LWRs after I left MIT, and it brought a smile to my face (I'm Facebook friends with his dad, Sergey!)

I watched the first few minutes of Mike Short's introductory lecture to 22.01, the introductory class to ionizing radiation that I audited a few times. I loved the way he absolutely hit the ground running with his class and got to talking about the content, in a compelling and exciting way, almost immediately.

I also watched some of Scott's talk at the APS March Meeting in 2019, which absolutely piqued my interest. 

All this increased my gratitude and wonderment at the fact that I have this job at all.

May I honor this gift that the universe has given me. May I use these videos as inspiration and fuel. For the critical ingredient, the sine qua non, is inspiration. It will propel me forward.

In this moment, more than in most recent moments, I know that this life is the life for me.

August 22

 I feel grateful to have my wife with me during these times. That's about all I am feeling right now.

August 20

I like being Jeff Moran. I would rather not be anyone else.

But sometimes it seems like it would be good to be Joe Dart. The fact that he played bass in Vulfpeck would have been enough. But then on a casual perusal of his Instagram account (which I have to do on my phone since Insta doesn't allow people without Insta accounts to view posts on the computer), I noticed a video clip about some group called "The Olllam." I was intrigued. I love Celtic music, and have ever since falling in love with Punch Brothers about a decade ago. It turns out Joe is their bass player, or at least has been accompanying them on their albums and tours, though he may not be an official member of the group.

What a life that must be. It's hard not to think "wow, if that were me, I would be deliriously happy."

And why shouldn't I shoot for that in my own life? 

I have it pretty damn good. I just got about $71k from NSF to pursue an idea that I think is cool. That's pretty damn awesome. And I'm going to keep going. Why not use Joe as an inspiration to push myself further? 

Play bass in a Celtic band myself?

To record the Bach inventions on the upright + electric basses, as I'd wanted to before?

To study chaotic dynamical systems, like Steve Brunton?

Let me seek what I seek, as they sought what they sought.

August 17

"To be a person of knowledge, one must be light and fluid."

Decent day back at work today.

I had a very productive few hours working at the FFX office. Didn't think too much about it. Just went to the main office, chatted with Ardiana. Stopped by Nathan's office and had an important conversation that led to him sharing the notes from 351 with me. And, of course, had a good Webex meeting with Remi's group and gave Shrishti some feedback on her presentation. I'm proud of her. 

Then I drove home and listened to a few tracks from Mr Finish Line, and felt a wonderful warm feeling of enjoyment. I remember thinking that different stuff makes different people come alive. For Preet Bharara, it's justice. For Remi, it's probably DNA nanoparticles. For me, it's a mix of things, and that's what I like about me.

I'm also proud of myself for working from 10:30ish until 2:15ish, and crossing some things off my to-do list.

Generally, I want to remember the feeling of being "light and fluid." I didn't think too much, I just did it. There isn't much to it in the end.

August 17

Short post today. 

From James Clear: 

"A few things you need to achieve exceptional results:

1) Quantity: You take lots of shots.

2) Quality: You take thoughtful shots.

3) Consistency: You keep shooting for a long time.

4) Feedback. You take better shots over time.

5) Luck: You get a few favorable bounces."

I have decided, in the spirit of the above (and previous posts on here), to submit 1 proposal or 1 paper per month, from here to renewal time. I hope to have some of all 5 of these along the way.

August 11

Today, after hearing more horror stories about how some people are currently suffering, I am grateful to simply be alive and healthy and able to see, hear, touch, taste, and smell. I must treasure my health.

"Your success in life will be determined largely by your ability to speak, your ability to write, and the quality of your ideas, in that order." - Patrick Henry Winston (1943-2019)

So let me get to doing more speaking and more writing.

August 10

Generally, I've had a decent day. Had some ups (nice run, yummy breakfast burrito + aglio e olio for dinner, discovering some truths about pancreatic cancer, listening to Cory Wong's latest album, Agnes attempting unsuccessfully to jump onto my journal on the desk), some downs (Bob refusing to share his notes with me for some odd reason), some in-betweens, but overall not so bad.

Cory Wong is a beast. 4 albums this year? It's not even September. Goes to show what one can achieve when one puts one's mind to things.

I'm legitimately excited to do microfluidics modeling in COMSOL again. I feel in my element.

James Altucher's spammy email of the day was entitled "All I want to do is play." It made me think: what is my ideal mix of play and work? What's the difference between the two anyway? I wonder how Cal Newport would square his "Don't follow your passion" advice with the quote from James Michener: “The master in the art of living makes little distinction between his work and his play, his labor and his leisure, his mind and his body, his information and his recreation, his love and his religion. He hardly knows which is which. He simply pursues his vision of excellence at whatever he does, leaving others to decide whether he is working or playing. To him he's always doing both. ”

At least by their traditional definitions, my "work" is research, my "play" is either teaching or bass. But sometimes bass feels like work and sometimes (at the best times) research feels like play. Yet, I feel I do my best work in research when I'm a little stressed out, in a healthy way. So in a way, it's work that I feel a low barrier to get started doing; it doesn't quite feel like play. 

Inevitably, I'm going to need a mix of both.

I retire tonight motivated to put a little Cory Wong energy in my daily routine.