October 26

Tonight, I went to 2 Silos with Colin and had a couple of beers without eating anything to go along with it. I felt the effects once I got home. Sometimes, it is to my benefit to get a little buzzed. It gets me out of my own head. It allows me to bypass the inhibitions that, during normal everyday life, sometimes hold me back. I get bolder. I need more of that.

September 15

I'm tired. But want to record some positive developments from today.

First, while at lunch with J, I got to talking about the ways to make myself more productive. I said something to the effect of: "I need to remove the barriers to getting started as much as possible...and finish as much as possible!" It's a matter of recognizing that a lot of what you put out into the world isn't going to be perfect, and that's okay. The idea is that we'll get a lot better, faster, if we pump out some imperfect stuff, than if we obsess over small details and produce only a few things. I feel like I put those principles into action, to a limited extent, today. I took care of some small nagging things.

Second, I skimmed an interesting 2012 review in Science by Roman Stocker about bacteria mixing in the ocean. It's his most-cited paper. Interestingly, the subject of mixing by ocean bacteria is scarcely mentioned. And that reminded me of the AHTF project, and one of the myriad reasons I am interested in it. (along with the fact that John Dabiri, at least as of 2018, also did not know of any studies looking into micromixing of heat by bacteria). I wonder if I should reach out to Roman or to Anupam. The latter might be down to make this into a fun collaboration! 

Third, I read a fascinating paper on the use of PslGh and PelAh hydrolases to disrupt biofilms. I wonder if we could do better with DNA NPs. I was especially excited to see that this could conceivably help lower the cost of treating wounds. I wonder if GHs and DNANPs can be somehow made cheaply?

Fourth, I need to remember to schedule a time to do something (implementation intention), and then do it without making much fuss. Many things I could accomplish at 80% in the time that it takes to fuss about trying to do it at 100%.

I need to remember to spend most of my time and energy on what fascinates me.

September 14

Small changes. Slow moves. Anything worth having takes time.

Trying to have "big rebirths" has clearly not worked. I need to take a different strategy. To build solid habits that last. To do everything just a little bit better. That is the only way I'm going to make real progress.

It starts with getting organized. I need to formulate a realistic strategic plan for the rest of my tenure case. It is starting to take shape, but it needs serious work. 

Tomorrow, we begin.

September 2

I learned today that I can do well if I'm highly caffeinated. I was on point during a conversation I had with Lance and I think I represented myself well. We had an interesting conversation about ways to design a new type of needle that can draw a greater volume of liquid from a tumor microenvironment that is chock-full of EVs. He's going to add me to the letter of intent for the proposal that is due later this month.

I learned that (really, last week) that my bass chops are still good. I played damn well last week and I'm still feeling it.

In year 39, I must recommit myself to my research work. I need to pare down my obligations in projects I'm not interested in or that are not yielding anything tangible. The greatest portion of my energy needs to go into my group members: Shrishti, Sajad, Amit, and Joshua. At the same time, I must get ready for the DNA nanoswimmers project to begin. I've got a lot on my plate. 

I need to be organized. I need to be dedicated. I've learned that I must, must, must force myself to finish things. 

Ira Glass said, "Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you finish one story." What is going to be my finished product every week?

August 29

As I type, my ears are awash in the lush sounds of "From Gagarin's Point of View." 

I need to remind myself that at the end of the day, research is good fun. It allows me to indulge my morbid curiosity about the nature of things. 

I recommit myself to research. This semester I will focus my efforts on (1) getting Shrishti graduated, (2) experimental verification of the self-propelled nanofluid hypothesis, (3) developing the DNA nanoswimmers concept, (4) seeing if we can use magnetic microswimmers to penetrate lung tissue and make friends with macrophages.

June 24

From now on, when I reflect on mistakes I've made, I'm going to think: What can I learn from this? How does this help me in the present moment?

I had this thought about the sense of guilt I felt related to not having thanked the CHRB administrator for her message saying my grant had been renewed. I thought about it for a few days. Reflected on it. And eventually I came around to sending her an update email, asking whether they needed a 12-month interim report from me, and I tagged a "thank-you" note on at the end. I thought about it, and I did something about it.

Playing bass was really good tonight. It felt cathartic. I feel like I'm starting to get my chops back. I really like getting into this state where the only thing that matters in the world is the very next phrase I'm going to play. The phrase. Because that's when it feels natural and effortless.

More generally, I'm learning to settle into my own skin. In music, as detailed above. But also in science, as when I was working with Amit and Jorge today. It's a matter of leaning into the discomfort. 

June 10

I was hired in this job to be strong and put myself out there. I will be forceful.

let me continue to love the good and the true.

I shall renew my drive to treat my body well. Weights and cardio. Running. Orangetheory? And eating well. Let's make it happen.