December 29 & 30

I'm having a good break. Have had some much-needed down time. Have gone for a bike ride or run every day this week. Getting plenty of sleep.

When practicing bass last night, I found that I got the best results when trying to have a light touch. As Carlos Castañeda said, "To be a warrior one needs to be light and fluid." (A book of mine, The Little Zen Companion, seemingly misquotes this to say "To be a man of knowledge..." this is something that Castañeda did write about, but in this case it seems he was talking about a warrior, In any case, I like it.) I remember thinking this when trying to learn the Romance from Lieutenant Kije by Prokofiev; one particular Eb minor riff needs a light touch not only to sound good, but for you to even get through it at all. And it extends to other areas of life too, as the Castañeda quote exemplifies.

Seeing the old-school "Unforgivable" videos really brought back some good feelings. Lifted my spirits in a way that needed to happen.

Elie Honig inspires me. He's scrappy. He seems to have a simple, direct approach to things that I will emulate in 2022. I dig his approach to work - dive in, full throttle, nail the details because they matter. (A Twitter thread he posted tonight, 12/30, inspired this paragraph.) I appreciate that he's unabashed about his attention to detail and his general acumen. I like his simple and direct language. He's good at breaking down complex legal concepts into everyday language, peppered with colloquialisms that spice things up. It's largely what I strive to do when communicating science.

So, in 2022, I need to be light and fluid. I need to go for it when it comes to nailing the details and the fundamentals. I'll be like the Elie of engineering. And I will take regular breaks to remind myself of the finer things. To do otherwise would be...unforgivable.

December 22

One year ago today, I got a positive COVID-19 test result and was scared for my own health. I remember the anxiety I felt when going to bed, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Now, I'm feeling anxious about the future of democracy in this country.

I am a real seeker after truth. I must strive to always seek the whole, real truth in everything I do. In politics it is no different. Tonight I am thinking about what I can possibly do, as an ordinary concerned citizen, to help the Democratic party keep the majority in both houses of Congress during the midterms. It's a tall order. But it's an impact I genuinely want to have.

It reminds me of the other arena where I dearly want to have a major impact: science. Sometimes I feel like I approach my research with the wrong mentality: like it's something I have to do. I psych myself out with it. But I need to approach it like it's something I want to do, because I am a seeker after real truth who wants to help other people. I must let that guide everything I do.

December 8

It has been a while since I've posted. Time has flown by, and we are almost at the end of yet another year.

I feel that I've made a modest modicum of progress since my last post. I've gotten invited to submit a full proposal to the DOE ECRP. I've decided on a postdoc candidate to hire. I submitted a proposal for the R21 Trailblazer award that I'm proud of.

But I need to push it to the next level. I need to be writing reliably, every single day. Make it an automatic habit, and one that I exercise out of enjoyment, not out of obligation. I need to hold myself accountable daily and weekly with check-ins on the FSP writing forums. 

I need to make a strategic plan for the next 3 years and for the next 10. The clock is ticking, and I need to have a good sense of where I'm headed. But checking my last post, at least things are still moving forward.

Gradatim ferociter.

October 20

I realized today that I have not taken full advantage of the Grant Training Center membership that I think I may have. It might be gone by now. 

I'm a little anxious when it comes to getting grant funding. The only proposal I have under review right now is the NCI IMAT. While I feel better about that proposal than the PRMRP we submitted on a similar topic, I still am skeptical about its chances. We didn't propose animal studies, and that is all anyone seems to want these days.

This weekend, I will have time to myself that I need to use. I need to make a strategic plan for the next 3 years, and specifically for the next year. It needs to have the proposals I'm going to submit laid out nicely so that I can start planning my submissions well in advance. This includes the NSF CAREER, DOE ECRP, DARPA, and various unsolicited NSF proposals and NIH proposals. I need to start shifting my bedtimes so I can get up and work on a grant or a paper every single day. I must master the art of grant writing. The only way to do that is to do a lot of grants, and get desensitized to rejection.

Some short-term things I can do:

• I need to get back in touch with that guy who does foundation stuff - Johnnie knows him. 
• Finally, I can consult Leigh about courting ONR program managers. This self-healing wetsuit has some promise.
• I need to talk with the DARPA guy about strategizing for my YFA grant.

I will get it done.

October 17

Edmund Portnoy Z"L (זכרונו לברכה) passed today. Sad day. May his memory be a blessing.

I made the most of it. Took another bike ride to Starbucks like yesterday. Answered a bunch of emails, removed advising holds, stuff like that. Now it's 1:05 AM, I'm up too late again, and I need to get to bed.

I wanted to make a quick entry to say a few things:

1. While on my run today, I had the thought to "just dig in" and get myself panting while on the run. That is the attitude I need to apply to my work as well. 
2. I must be relentless. I must budget my time wisely, heavily favoring the tasks that are most important.
3. When I got into the groove while practicing bass yesterday, it started to get easier. It was almost like, once I got into a rhythm and just played tune after tune, my attitude and approach to The Bass changed. I took more creative risks. I expressed myself more. I think I can apply this approach to research as well. This drives home the fact that I need to create, create, create.
4. Why not start my day with a smile, and perhaps a nice tune? Some Bach or maybe a chant. 

October 3

Today, I decided to just focus on reviewing Marissa's document for an hour and be done with it at the end. It's not perfect. I have more questions than answers. But I think this can be a good approach going forward. 

I need to get my ass to bed, but there is really some magic in finishing. 

Just declare at the outset: I'm going to spend an hour on this thing and declare it done when that hour is up. Impose deadlines on self and don't budge.

Break things down into doable chunks. Give yourself a definite time period to do the chunks. And then do the chunks to the extent that you can, and remember done is better than perfect.

Let's see how this does this week.

October 2

I am going to start reviewing my paradigms. I can feel them beginning to shift.

The people influencing me at the moment are Darren Lipomi and Stephen Duneier. I need to figure out how to integrate the wisdom they impart into my own life. 

From Duneier, the key is to master breaking large tasks into smaller chunks. This is something I've known about in the past, of course, but I need to do in a more concrete way. And make a definite plan to finish things, whether perfect or not.

From Lipomi, it remains to be seen, but I like what I've seen of his stuff so far. It was reassuring to hear that he didn't get any grants from 2015 to 2018. It's also good to remember that Bob Langer's first 9 grants were rejected.

I shall integrate the wisdom of others, but put my own stamp on things. Being myself has gotten easier over time.