September 5

My priority is to do excellent scientific work that is robust and holds up to scrutiny. 

As I said to Jason today, I really enjoy writing.

I truly do love science (not like the fb page). I truly do love to teach.

I am not going to forget this. Like during my practice sessions over the weekend, I will remember to have genuine fun.

This will guide me forward.

September 4

While playing bass tonight, I had a thought: stop caring. 

I turned 37 on Friday. Not much happens on your 37th birthday. It stops having significance at 21, in terms of what you can do, and maybe has a touch of significance otherwise at 30. I suppose 40 will be something. 

The older I get, the more I feel I have some idea what I'm doing. Not too much. But while I was improvising on the bass tonight, wondering whether I really felt like playing at that moment, I had this thought - I am here, playing, so I might as well try and let out what was in my head. I wonder if I can apply this mode of thinking to my research work. Yes, I'm under pressure to publish. Yes, I'm busy all the time with no time to do anything. So why not have fun with it? Why not at least not half-ass it, and let my heart and soul flow out onto the page and the laboratory? 

I would rather do 10 minutes of real, actual, deep, creative work a day than 10 hours of crap. Let's see if I can accomplish that.

August 30

If I want to bring in more grants like Remi or Parag or Siddhartha...I need to write more proposals. I need to work for it. It won't come easy.

I need to have a fire in my belly. 

Talk to Remi in fluent français. Talk to Paulo in fluent español.

I need to work on projects that fulfill me, that sate my soul, that I am excited to get out of bed in the morning and work on. 

I am getting there.

August 23

Inspired by Paddy the Baddy, and a few events that happened today, I figured out what I need to do.

Take charge. Dominate like an MMA fighter. 

I will assert myself. I will charge ahead. I will tell Shrishti to plow forward with the PEGylation, but in a smarter way. I will be the leader of the IPF project that it needs. I will act like a man...in a good way.

Manliness shouldn't be a bad word. 

August 18

I felt like a leader today. We were having a meeting between Jorge, Luis, and me. Despite the fact that I am new to the IPF game, I feel like I was able to take charge of the conversation and make some decisions. 

I am a little miffed to realize that I did not do any writing today. That cannot happen again. I really need to get back on the wagon. I realized this evening that I spent a little too much time recreating - running, watching The Sopranos with Jayme, then FailArmy videos, then showering. That is nice to do once in a while, but I can't let it be the norm. I have too much to do.

I need to make a strategic plan for the next few years. It needs to be doable. It needs to be ambitious. It needs to be concrete. Many times in the past 3.5 years I have felt somewhat rudderless. It starts with having good goals, and then breaking those goals into doable chunks, and then actually doing the chunks with care.

I need to make specific, smart, desirable, attainable, realistic goals for the rest of this week:

1. Strategic plan progress: map out the next year.
2. Set up a meeting with Lamar, specify a timeline for writing the proposal.
3. Meet with Shabnam, make a timeline for writing the proposal
4. Reach out to 3 potential contributors to the book project
5. Write my sections of the Micromachines review paper. It's really not that big of a deal.

Tomorrow morning, I start by doing my part on the Micromachines review. That needs to be the priority since it's due on August 31 and I haven't done much on it yet. Also, preparing figures always takes longer than you think it will. That's starting at 8. And if I can go longer than 9, I will. Then meeting with Shabnam at 10 - probably makes sense to do that from home. Then I drive to Starbucks (double star day!) and grab lunch somewhere. (I need to rethink my lunches. It's been way too long, and I enjoy going out to lunch too much, but it needs to be reduced.) Mid-day emailing will need to target some potential contributors whom I'd love to have: maybe someone at Penn State, someone like John Gibbs perhaps, and maybe someone international like Peer Fischer or Oliver Schmidt. Then meeting with Nathan at 1 about capstone and with David & Joy at 2 about her paper. Then more writing until 4 or so, when I start getting ready to go to the gig.

Let's go.

July 21

The answer all along has been to not think too much about it. Just do. 

Swimming put me in a good mindset tonight. I did not allow myself to become overly emotional, or immediately interject after Jayme would say something, but to simply sit and wait. Wait for the right words to come to my lips. A few pauses are OK. Like a jazz solo, it's worth taking the time and giving yourself the space to say what you really need to say.

Emboldened by that, I went outside and worked for a while on the J-agg manuscript and spotted an important deficiency in the caption to the last figure, which is supposed to be the cherry on top of the paper. 

All in all, a good work evening.

The secret is to just do.

July 20

Well done to the Bucks. 

Josquin des Prez is a good recent find.

NBA players have to work unimaginably hard to win a championship. As the commentators pointed out, Giannis Antetokounmpo grinds for every single point. Watching the game tonight, and listening to the mellifluous sounds of Missa La Sol Fa Re Mi make me wonder what the two have in common.

I think both of them could have been divinely inspired. Inspiration is the fuel that drives hard work. As Angela Duckworth tells us, it's about having a combination of passion and perseverance. But I have to wonder if Giannis ever feels unmotivated to do a practice session. Or if Michael Phelps feels unmotivated to do a swim workout at 5 AM on a cold morning. I bet they do. So what do they do that others don't? 

I think the answer lies somewhere in the Zig Ziglar quote: "People often say motivation doesn’t last. Neither does bathing—that’s why we recommend it daily." Even the Phelpses and Giannises need to be re-motivated sometimes. They're just more regular about doing it day in and day out.

I need to figure out how to direct myself. I need to figure out how to inspire myself. I want to become a truly independent thinker. The force that is truly for good. I need my own divine fuel. I know some likely locations to find it.