August 5

Feeling a little lethargic this afternoon. I just didn't feel motivated to work. I guess that happens sometimes. My head has cobwebs sometimes. 

With everything that I know about myself, what can I do to make myself better?

I can be honest. 

As James Altucher suggests, at least I don't have to deal with the fallout from bring dishonest. It's hard enough to live one life, let alone a double life.

I close my eyes and I have this vision of myself achieving things, living my life as I was meant to live it, and being myself, being kind, unpretentious, through it all. I play more musically when I look away from my bass.

I shall bring a spirit of curiosity and a simple wish to make things better for others and for the world.

I will create more things. I will make the video of myself accompanying myself on the Bach 2-part inventions. I will compose a song or two about fluid dynamics, or whatever else speaks to me.

Let me approach the oncoming day anew.

August 4

Going through the "10 steps" morning routine did not necessarily a productive day make. I need to focus on getting through those things more quickly, I think.

I desperately want Joe Biden to win the election and for this to be over. The hard thing is that I don't know how to best ensure that a peaceful transition of power will happen. I see these op-eds proposing that Trump might resign, and I can't help thinking that is wishful thinking. I need to be prepared for all possibilities.

August 3

1. Vigorous walks in the morning = good.

2. Listening to the rest of Preet's podcast, and feeling the precise alignment of words and thoughts. Listening to good communicators makes me more in the mood to communicate.

3. Every drop of rain adds to the ocean. When you have 5 free minutes, write for 5 minutes rather than jerking around on LinkedIn, email, etc.

4. I don't feel an urge to check Twitter anymore. Social media is funny in that, when you're under its spell, it can be incredibly addictive, and when you aren't, it is not addictive at all. It goes to show how unnatural it is, and how little we actually need it.

August 2

Live strongly. I feel an urge to be strong, but fair and just. The president of Columbia University, in excoriating the president of Iran, seemed to embody this (perhaps he felt more compelled to do so because of all the criticism he took for inviting Ahmadinejad, but anyway). So does the commentator Mehdi Hasan. This is really a version of the "live Strong" movement started by Vlance Armstrength (see how that turned out). But there are good aspects to it.

Make definite assertions.

August 1

A 'No' uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a 'Yes' merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble. - Gandhi

Act like the elder.

Let myself be myself

I was typing an email to Harshita today and I remember thinking that I felt free to be myself (e.g. to admit when I didn't know too much about Schottky barriers). I also asked Jayme if she'd had a drink or two tonight, because we are trying to hold ourselves accountable regarding the number of drinks we have. I also typed in an email to Yangyuan tonight that I had doubts about the reliability of his data.

Slowly, I am learning not to sugarcoat things. I am learning not to waste others' time or my own.

Other nights I might have been too bashful to do any of these. I need to do these more.

What Keeps Me Going

It's about the science.

I've spent the last month or so writing an NSF proposal.  It's mentally exhausting work.  I feel glad to be done.  This idea has been percolating in my head for almost 2 years so it needed to get out.

Anyway, part of the proposal writing process is to put together a document about the facilities and equipment you have at your disposal.  To show that you know what it takes to do the work, and that you have what it takes.  The topic of my proposal is little particles that propel themselves through liquids.  I'm very interested in what happens when you put a bunch of these particles together, especially to the liquid around them.  So in the facilities document, I described an apparatus that we're planning to build for what's known as particle image velocimetry (PIV), which is a common technique for measuring fluid velocity fields.

And I got this rush of excitement.

I need to remember that feeling.

Amidst all the chaos of meetings, reviewing papers for journals, writing proposals, teaching, there is the science.  The feeling washed over me that I might actually get to do PIV, to learn something new about the velocity field generated by a group of microswimmers.  And it felt good.  It motivated me.  Just the prospect of getting to play with lasers and measure fluid flows was exciting to me.  And that's what will keep me going through these next few years.

It's about the science.

I need to remember that.

Side note: I will listen to damn near anything that comes out of Chris Thile's mandolin.  His music is a salve.